Back Again

Boy this new Xanga home page thing was designed like shit.  I couldn't find anything.

Here I am again 7 months since the last one.

Once again plenty has happened since then.  For one I am on my last two semesters of undergraduate school for my bachelors degree in psychology and minor in sociology.  Now, most people would be excited to graduate, but of course I can't.  I am planning on 5 years of grad school for human factors in psychology.  I am quite apprehensive about this, it is another bigger step in dedication, something I have not known alot of in my 21 years of life.  I'll be taking the GRE soon.  The semesters have all kinda merged together, I don't remember when I took what or with who.  Last semester was easy because I took geography, which I scored a 100% overall in the class (and it was fun), marriage and families, which was boring and easy, photography, which was even more fun than geography, and aerospace psychology.  Aerospace was fun, no tests, lots of airplane stuff and I enjoyed working on the final project.  This semester I am taking abnormal psychology, which is difficult, the instructor gives very few "A"s as far as I know.  Family diversity is another sociology class.  Psychology of personality, which I have been having some fun with.  And finally psychology problems/society, which is a topical course about raising children.  They all cover some of the same overall topics and ask some of the same questions, but all have different answers.

Flying.....yeah, about that.  I haven't done much of it at all.  I got my biennial done with Alyson, but thats about it.  I just can't justify the cost anymore, it now costs me as an employee $123/hour to fly the g-1000 172.  I am trying to get into the Boeing employee flying club, but that will cost $55/month without the cost of the flight time.  Its depressing.

Work is just work.  The boss who's name I will never speak of again was fired last June for pissing on the ramp and sexual harassment while intoxicated.  Its all on camera.  No real manager out there untill recently.  I helped my friend Joe get a job and that certainly helped with the insanity of the place.  In July line service fucked 2 planes in 2 days, one was a towbar slipping off and Andy stopped the tractor and the plane rolled over it.  The second was Dave backing the tractor into a 182.  We went a month untill another happened.  I was pushing a Conquest, trying to slip the wing tip past the nose of a 350 and my wing walker cleared me, and of course I was not clear and I hit it.  My wing walker was a poster child for ADHD, a habitual marijuana user (during work), and a complete dumbass.  He would later get fired for causing a catastrophic amount of damage one day while under the influence.  Fall did not bring me back to my job at CIS because they decided to terminate the site I worked at without telling me, so I was stuck at the KAAO.  I work weekends, and I avoided most of the drama.  Just recently we fired 3 people for 3 incidents involving aircraft damage.  The new line manager is now the chief charter pilot, and I like the direction he is pointing us.

Not alot to talk about in my home life.  Started finishing the basement and I will be happy when its done because we will have a bar and I will be living downstairs.  I can't help but think that I should move out, but its just so inexpensive to live at home these days, especially after the stock market plummeted.

I hear crickets chirping when I open the door to my love life.  Its non-existant.  I just don't know.  From my personality profile I am clearly an introvert, so I don't exactly seek out human contact.  In general I am probably a difficult person to get to know, I just don't radiate warmth to people I've never met (or those I have met for that matter).  At the beginning of this semester, a girl walked up to me and started talking and I was attracted to her, untill I started listening.  She sounded crazy.  I would later take a guess at what her big 5 traits would look like, and was spot on:  shes crazy.  I guess the sane girls don't just walk up to you and spill their life story immediately.

My personal interests have pretty much been exclusively photography.  I'm starting to sell prints, and do some photoshoots(portraits for Merle, thxgiving family portraits, and Lt. Peters conquest).  I will probably be shooting for El Dorado Airports brochure because one of the 3rd shift guys from KAAO is now the airport manager there.  I really wish I could just be a photographer; at this point, I really enjoy it.  I bought a Canon Rebel Xti one year ago and have added a 70-300mm lense, and a 60mm macro and they have served me well.  I seem to soak up photography information like a sponge, besides aviation, theres really been nothing like it for me.  I got to chat with Paul Bowen at his studio a while back, and in hindsight I wish I prepared some questions about becoming a photographer to ask him.

Well I think that pretty much covered conflicts #s 1-4.  Untill next time.

A Song...

Ever notice that some, maybe all people have a song that is distinctly theirs in your mind?  Either the song describes how you percieve or feel about them, or one that you associate with their prescence because it was playing when you were still getting to know them.  It could be the lyrics that remind you of that person, or it describes them through melody and speaks to you everytime it plays.  Its almost an epiphany when you find that song for that person because it fits so perfectly.  How does it happen?  By chance or by some renegade cognition in your brain?

It happened to me today. 

Another Report...

Well, here I am again on this thing.

The winter break is about to end (in a week), and untill today I honestly didn't do anything productive.  Alot of sleeping and sitting around.  Can't tell you the number of times I saw "The Big Lebowski" (BTW:  fuckin' awsome movie).  Got a Wii for Christmas, and its a blast.  Came back to work, which is boring; my supervisor is on maturnity leave and its been me and the Americorps student.

The school semester was kinda nuts.  I moved the first week of school, and I think it contributed to my lack of organization.  I am beginning to feel much more at ease in the new house.  I ended up at a 3.6 GPA +change, once again topping my previous best.

The coming semester promises to be interesting. I will be taking Cognitive Psych, Research Methods, French, and Photography.  Research methods and French will be the biggest challenges, the latter being a night class, and the former being a very involved one.  Cognitive Psych was an easy choice, when Cessna called me about the human factors internship, they asked me if I had taken that.  Hopefully it will give me more leverage for finding an internship like that in the future.  Photography is something I have become increasingly interested in (by the day).  I suppose it origionated after I returned from Europe, and the office manager at the office told me I "found my calling."  I have taken some great shots with my Nikon Coolpix, and I think I have outgrown it and am ready for something more robust.  I started to look up information on photography online, and I feel confident that if I had a Digital SLR, I could take some amazing shots.  Just another notch in my "expensive hobby belt"

I went flying today, and although uneventful, reminded me that I need lots more practice.  The last time before this that I went flying was in November with Omar.  I finally got the chance to plug my Ipod in to the plane and listen to it.  Stevie Ray Vaughn is great flying music.

Still no romantic interests in my life (exception being aviation).  I just think I have alot of derision for the human race in general.  There are very few people that I am fond of.  I suppose I just never see any good in the women I meet; they seem to be superficial, and I am hesitant to come into contact with them.  Every so often I'll see someone who I think "she doesn't look like a condescending idiot," and I feel a little better, but then worse because I didn't talk to her.  Oh well, my plan is to keep flowing down the river.

Family life is not that great.  As I begin to understand how poorly I have treated my little brother over his lifetime and try to change, he seems to be retaliating for anything I've done.  I suppose its part of the so called "brain damage" kids get at his age, best described by Bill Cosby.  I really do want to be nice, but there are still times when I am angry at him for no peticular reason.  My mother has been stressed  with work, and turns into a real bitch at times.  My dad is an asshole really, little consideration for other people and has the worst political opinions.  They are based on how much they will piss other people off I swear.

I'm hangin in there, goin' along for the ride, till next time, cya

Blow Away

Well, here I am again...

...And again I have alot to report.

  We moved out of our house on Funston Ct, and now reside in the Tara Falls neighborhood.  It happened quite fast, we put the house on the market at the end of July, and moved in on September 1st.  I just love how that coincided with the start of the school year-not.  Its a ranch style single level with 3 bedrooms and 2 baths.  Its a nice house, and the hood is quiet.

My career as a Line Service Technition has once again ended.  Interestingly enough, I was fired on my second to last day, then subsequently re-hired.  I worked Friday night of the airshow untill 2am, then at 7am dickhead calls me into work on my day off.  I told him that was "bullshit", he mumbled something and slammed the phone down.  I didn't understand what he said, so I came into work on the last day of the airshow, and he said nothing.  The customer service manager told me that he had told her that I was fired because of insubordination.  I am now confused as ever as to what is wrong with Walt.  Histrionic personality disorder?  Rejection of his gender identity?  I can infer that he definately had a sad childhood.

I'm back at CIS, although I applied for other co-op jobs including a human factors internship at cessna (drool).  Its been easier and harder...at the same time.  Easier because I know what the hell is going on, harder because theres more to do.

School is nuts.  It seems like every other day I have another exam.  French is my worst subject, its always kinda sucked for me.  Meteorology is pretty fundemental, and therefore easy to understand.  Developmental Psychology is annoying because I only go two times a week, and I always forget my homework.  Sociology is a blast, always interesting lecture with Dr Matson. 

Although this year, I cannot say I've never been busier (flashback- freshman year anxiety attack), I have been stressed.  Home life always seems to drag me down, my parents pull me in different directions:  help dad, unload and unpack boxes, do landscaping to name a few; theres little time to do what i want.  Not to mention all of this is exasterbated by my relative mental uneasiness in a new house.  I'm at the point where I am used to the house, but not where I am always comfortable.  That will get better as I produce more meaningful memories in it.  Many times I find myself doing meaningless activities (such as wasting valuable test-prep time on this thing), if only to regain some time that I can call my own.  I even purchased a plastic model of a P-51 to take my mind off everything else.  I just wish everything would blow away (hence the title).  iTunes just released George Harrisons solo work, and one of my favorite tunes is "Blow Away."  Its about thinking about something (or one) you love and  be happy despite the world around you.  Its a great feeling when you do this, and must be good for you somehow.

The social part of my life is non-existant outside of work and home.  I've gone fishing with a buddy from KAAO, but its not often or for very long.  Zach moved to Manhatton finally, and everybody else is busy as hell with school.  I'm not interested in frat life, although it would be nice to be around other students more often, I have zero time.  This past weekend I was invited to play trumpet as part of the 50th anniversary of Southeast High School.  I got a chance to re-unite with old friends.  I saw Nathan Williams, Mr Bishop, Kyle Shoenhoffer, Matt Butler, Josh Turner, Josh Bush.  It felt so good to be around friends, even if it was briefly.  Its just one of those things that a person needs to stay sane.

The lack of a social life has led me to focus on mental and spiritual exploration.  Right now I'm too confused to talk about it.  This search is not as fulfilling as usual.

No flying for a long time.  Its depressing because it is such a large part of me, and I haven't had time for it.

I'm gaining weight, and its slowing me down.  I really need to get into a foot doctor to help me run and exercise.

Thats all folks!  I'll update when I feel the need.

Back Here

Well here I am again, on this thing.  Once again life has changed somewhat for me. 

The school year ended on a high note, hopefully I will be able to carry this momentum on to next semester.  I received the highest GPA ever this past semester, which boosted my confidence and has almost completely denied that little guy on my shoulder that says "get out now, you don't belong here."  I think I said this before, but really, who would have known that you have to study in collage?

With the end of the semester came the end of my first semester as a co-op student, and the end of my job at Communities In Schools, for now at least.  This of course meant a job search.  Hawker-Beech, Yingling, Ballard, and Java Villa were among those jobs that I seeked. 
Nothing.  Absetively no responses from these places of prospective employment.  This discouraged me, which once again allowed that little guy on my shoulder (someone in history called him self-doubt) telling me to cut my losses and go back to Jabara.  And I listened.  This I feel was a mistake looking back at it.  All the drama, stress, high blood pressure, and grey hairs came back, and I once again fear the airport.  Its only for the summer, and in fall I will return to CIS.
Although I am never one to miss work, I look forward to CIS again.  However this time, I will only have my supervisor as company for the girl I worked with has moved on to law school at KU.  All is not lost though, working there has given me such an insight......or awareness of how women think, feel, and view the world.  As I was gaining this "higher knowledge" I couldn't help but look back at how I acted, or didn't act in my past relationship and feel embarrased.

Speaking of women, I took a trip to my old town of Lincoln, Nebraska with my mother and our friend Theresa.  There I became re-aquainted with an old friend from my childhood.  I felt embarrased that I did not remember her, and was almost not expecting it.  My mother had told me that she we were going to have lunch with her old boss at a school she used to work at, and that her niece was also going to be there.  It wasn't until we were on our way to the restaurant that she mentioned we were friends in childhood somewhat briefly.  I met her, and although I can't really say we "hit it off", I was attracted to her.  She is the same kind of person that I would origionally think that I would not be attracted to her, but have fallen for in the past.  Outgoing and charismatic, intelligent, pretty, interested in music, and attached to a family with money.  I feel ashamed to mention the latter (I hesitated to type it), but it is true and I suppose the truth is important.  We talked, I was somewhat stupid and didn't showingly express an interest in her by asking her questions ( and when I did I was studdering), but this was for a couple of reasons.  1-  I was trying to learn as much about her as possible with the least amount of my own input (analytical in short), 2- she was pretty and I was looking at her.  I wonder if this made her uncomfortable, because she did not look at me nearly as much, although she did flash a smile at me once or twice.  One thing I found interesting is that the little man on my shoulder never really told me to run away.
Anyway, I felt it was necessary to mention because it has been on my mind since then.

I haven't flown a whole lot since my last post- weather, money, time, and that little man on my shoulder kept me from going.  I did go up with Joe the other day, and it was fun, but incredibly hot.  I went out on my own before that, but it ended not like I had wanted it to.  I was divided on whether or not I should go because of winds and heat.  I went and found changing winds, wind shear, and turbulence.  My landings were OK, but on m 4th I was short so I increased power to make the runway and pulled it out, which made me sink, hit, and bounce, causing me to go around.  I  was waaay to high on the next attempt and on my final attempt I got 'er down.  I should have just done all of my landings without flaps to keep up my speed.

I have taken a second job doing landscaping for my dad at his office.  It sucks, although not as much as Jabara.  I put two retaining walls against the building for plants and pea gravel in front of that.  The bricks were a pain to get right, then it rained and settled the ground beneath it and made one section sink.  Then it flooded the building, and I had to redo the downspouts and reinforce the moisture barriers.  Theres still alot to do out there, but it looks so much better than before.

Well, thats about it for now.  I intend on posting here more, because with more time on my hands comes more thoughts, and this is a good way of relaxing at the end of the day.